Ethically sourced from a facility we are legally calling a co-op. Every purchase funds the revolution (my second home). Free-range solidarity, small-batch guilt.
Nine handpicked pieces for the comrade who signs the paychecks. Each item is drop-shipped from the shop floor of a struggle you will never personally experience.
Grade-A Mongolian cashmere, made in a "co-op" (definitely not). Cut for board meetings and quarterly earnings calls. Union-optional stitching; the hem was hand-rolled by someone owed back pay.
Stoneware, dishwasher-safe, tear-resistant. For the boss who genuinely cries when he has to fire people — then does it anyway, gently, over Slack. Holds 12oz of ethically extracted labor.
Does not track hours. Instead it counts down — in real time — how much surplus value the employee has generated for the CEO today. Resets at midnight. Gratitude not included but strongly implied.
Heavyweight organic canvas for carrying your groceries and your unexamined contradictions. Roomy enough for a hardback copy of Capital you will photograph but not open. Handles reinforced by underpaid hands.
Hard enamel, gold-plated, laughably small for the price. A radical statement on your tote, your lapel, or the collar of the dog you call your "co-founder." Assembled by workers we're calling "brand ambassadors."
Triple-insulated so your oat-milk cortado stays warm through the entire all-hands where you announce the hiring freeze. Keeps solidarity hot for 12 hours, keeps wages cold indefinitely.
Redeemable for exposure, "real-world experience," and a glowing reference you will forget to send. Non-transferable, never expires, worth exactly what you paid. The gift of opportunity — theirs to give, yours to keep.
Notes of bergamot, cedarwood, and mandatory mindfulness. Burn during the wellness workshop you scheduled instead of the raise. 60-hour burn time — coincidentally the length of a "flexible" work week. Hand-poured, thoughts and prayers included.
A resilient little succulent that survives on neglect, indirect light, and the occasional performative check-in — much like your team. Ships in a terracotta pot thrown by an artisan we've reclassified as a contractor.
Every order is offset by a certificate we printed ourselves. The emissions remain; the guilt is transferred, at scale, directly to you. Framing available for an additional $40.
A flat 18% is added at checkout to fund the movement. "The movement" is a private members' club with a wine list. Non-negotiable, non-refundable, deeply meaningful.
Returns are processed by the workers on their own time, unpaid, as an act of communal healing. Allow 6–8 weeks, or one full unionization drive, whichever we suppress first.